We do not like authority! Have you ever noticed? The very idea that another human being has any kind of authority over us rankles. To willingly submit to the authority of another seems absurd. We all think that we could do a better job of leading, that our way is better, and that we deserve to be the one in authority.
This kind of rebellion against authority is not new. It started at the beginning, in the Garden, with a snake, a woman, a man, and the reversal of God's created order. Suddenly, I am the only authority to which I need to submit.
The rebellion has not changed or diminished since then. The nature of man demands his own independence from all authority except his own. With this in mind, to describe fatherhood with a picture of a king is in direct contrast to the willfulness of the human nature. It seems that we are putting fathers onto a powerful pedestal. It pictures for us a warrior king with his foot on the neck of his subjects (read wife and children). He wields absolute control. None dare challenge him. He rises to a place just below God.
Women and children see it and tremble. Their lives are suddenly lower than slaves. They have no power, freedom, or rights. The Man is all powerful, all controlling, all possessing.
At least that is what our culture would want us to believe about patriarchy.
The truth is that the ancient kings understood their authority very clearly. In ancient epics such as The Iliad and Beowulf, kings were described as shepherds and fathers. Their authority was absolute in that their subjects owed them complete and unwavering allegiance. But their authority was not given in order to better their own lives. Their entire existence was to guide, govern, and protect their people. Unfortunately, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
If we keep in mind the original purpose of the king, a servant leader of his subjects, we have a better understanding of this picture of fatherhood. The king leads by example. He was not above the law, rather he embodied the law. He never expected his subjects to behave in ways that he could not, but he certainly punished wrong-doers for the protection of his kingdom. He was on guard against trouble within and without his kingdom. All that he did was done for the good of his kingdom.
There is much more I could say about the original intent of kingship, but for the purpose of this study in fatherhood I will limit the analogy to two key areas: example and discipline.
Good leaders lead by example and like it or not, fathers are leaders. A child will leave home with what the father has lived out in the home. Our children may not always remember our words but they will never forget our actions.
Even more important, fathers are spiritual leaders. We not only have the power to lead our children spiritually, but we also have the God-given responsibility to do so, as we have already seen. The New Testament has a lot to say about the issue of being an example to those who follow.
Jesus never commanded us to do anything that he was not willing to do. In John 13, he washed the disciples feet and then said, "If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you." (vs. 14-15) The apostle Paul lead by example and reminded the Thessalonian church about the example he gave to them. "For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example, because we did not act in an undisciplined manner among you..." (2 Thess. 3:7) Paul commanded Timothy, the young elder in Ephesus, to lead by example. "Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe." (1 Tim. 3:12) Paul also commanded Titus, a pastor in Crete, to be an example. "Likewise urge the young men to be sensible; in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us." (Titus 2:6-8) Peter encouraged the church leaders to be examples when he said, "Therefore, I exhort the elders among you, as your fellow elder and witness of the sufferings of Christ, and a partaker also of the glory that is to be revealed, shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to you charge, but proving to be examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:1-3)
I think that this idea of being an example is intended in Deuteronomy 6:6, "These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart." The Law of God was first to be believed and followed by the fathers. It was to be a part of their lives first and foremost. Only then can verse 7 be practically applied, "You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up."
I sincerely believe that one of the major reasons that children raised in Christian homes abandon the faith upon leaving the home is because we have not lived out in the home what we have been teaching in the church. If I teach my children to honor their parents, they must see me honor my parents. If I teach my children not to lie, I must always speak the truth in love (even on the tax returns). If I teach my children to be faithful to God, I must be faithful to God. My children will leave home with what I have lived out in the home.
Secondly, the father is responsible for the discipline of his children.
This is a hot issue. What does discipline mean? What methods should we employ? If you read certain popular child-raising and parenting magazines, we should never use painful punishment against our children because it might permanently damage their delicate psyches. It is better to publicly humiliate them, ignore them, and effectively abandon them to their own devises. After three generations of this, one would think that someone would wise up to the fact that it simply is not working!
Here is an irony for you. Psychology is by name "the study of the soul" ('psuchos' is the Greek word for 'soul'). Psychologists by practice reject the existence of the soul! I will get my parenting advice from the Creator of the soul, thank you very much!
He says, "Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod and rescue his soul from Sheol." (Proverbs 23:13-14) The method of discipline is quite clearly portrayed for us. It is painful for the child, but the result is rescue, spiritual rescue.
Another, perhaps clearer example of this is found in Hebrews 12, where the discipline of the father is compared to that of God. "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by him; for those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives... For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." (Hebrews 12:5-6, 10-11)
The motivation for discipline is love. Because we love our children we discipline them. Loving discipline is not the raving lunatic that the media likes to portray for us as the parent who uses corporal punishment against a child. Loving discipline is calm, measured, and purposeful in metering our discipline.
The method of discipline is described as the scourge. This was a leather thong that was used to strike an offender. It was used in Hebrew households by the parents to punish their children. It was also used by the judges to punish criminals. Paul himself was scourged by the Jews for preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 11:24). This is strikingly similar to the idea of the rod spoken of in the Proverbs. Somehow, God has so ordained that children will be trained best by the use of painful discipline.
Finally, the purpose of discipline is holiness and righteousness. This is a key point because holiness and righteousness do not describe simply behaviors, they indicate the very nature of the child. We are all by nature sinful (Jeremiah 17:9), objects of wrath (Ephesians 2:3). We can adjust our behavior to appear acceptable based upon the external influences of cultural expectations or corporal punishment. However, external behaviors are not always good indicators of what is taking place internally. A child may act rightly but this does not mean that the child is righteous. Discipline is for the purpose of producing righteousness within the child, so that their deeds are motivated by their new nature in Christ.
When viewed together, the three pictures of fatherhood, prophet, priest and king, form a complete example to us of how to be the kind of fathers that God-ordained us to be. We teach our children correct doctrine, inculcating them with this truth. We train our children by showing them, by example, how to live out the doctrine that we teach and giving them opportunities to live it out and corrections along the way. We represent God to them and act as their advocates before God. When they sin, we discipline them in love to return their feet to the paths of righteousness. As we do this consistently, with much prayer, the Bible indicates that our children will grow to become the kind of God-honoring, holy, and righteous adults that we desire them to be.
Feb 28, 2012
Feb 23, 2012
Priestly Patriarchy
As I continue to investigate the Biblical standards for godly fatherhood, a second figure emerges from the mist of our culture's lies. It is the figure of a priest.
While the prophet represents a father's responsibility to instruct, train and warn his children, the priest represents a different aspect of fatherhood.
Biblically, the priest operated in two functions. First, he represented man to God. When the Levitical priesthood was created in Exodus, it was created because the Hebrews were unable to keep the covenant they had made with God at the foot of Mount Sinai. Because of the Holiness of God and the Sinfulness of Mankind, if God was going to dwell in the midst of the Hebrews, there would have to be some safeguards to prevent God's holiness from destroying the nation.
The first of these safeguards was the tent (tabernacle) which became the temple under King Solomon's reign.
The second safeguard was the priests. No other person was allowed to approach the holy vessels. No other person was allowed to offer sacrifices or incense. No other person was allowed into the Holy Place. No one except the High Priest was allowed into the Most Holy Place, and then only once a year and not without the blood of the atoning sacrifice. Any one other than the descendants of Aaron who presumed to approach God in this way was killed (Numbers 16:1-35). It was the responsibility of the priests to represent man before God.
The second function of the priest was to represent God to man. The priest spoke blessing onto the people (Numbers 6:23-27); revealed the judgments of God by use of the Urim and Thummim, (Exodus 28:30); and confronted evil where it existed, even in high places (2 Chronicles 26:16-20).
Similarly, it is the father's God-ordained responsibility to intercede on behalf of their children and to exhort their children on behalf of God.
In the New Testament, Jesus Himself is represented as our High Priest, our Intercessor. In Hebrews 7-10, Jesus offered a better sacrifice and comes from a better priesthood than the Levitical priests. For this reason, he was able to enter once behind the veil, where he now sits to offer permanent atonement for God's people. He lives forever to make intercession on our behalf! (Hebrews 7:25)
Job recognized his responsibility to intercede on behalf of his children. "When the days of feasting had completed their cycle, Job would send and consecrate them, rising up early in the morning and offering burnt offerings according to the number of them all; for Job said, 'Perhaps my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.' Thus Job did continually." (Job 1:5)
While I cannot always know every thought that crosses the mind of my child, I do know very well what dwells in their hearts. God says very clearly that sin has my children captivated. Apart from God's grace applied through faith, none of us can ever escape from sin's grip in our lives.
It is my responsibility and privilege to plead with God for the very souls of my children. I do not have to offer sacrifices for them as Job did because the final sacrifice has been offered and it was so perfect that to offer another would be blasphemous!
Another Intercessor in the New Testament is the Holy Spirit. "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." (Romans 8:26-27)
As a father, I have the responsibility and privilege to pray not only for the salvation of my children, but also for God's Will to be enacted in their lives. While much has been made of "free will", we must never limit the extent of God's ability to reach into the soul of man and change his "will". For some reason unknown to me, God uses the prayers of the saints to accomplish great and mighty things. We can see such things demonstrated throughout Scripture and not less so now. God can use the prayers of parents to reach the souls of unregenerate, sinful children and change them into regenerate, righteous men and women.
Equally God can use the prayers of parents to reveal and guide their children into His will for their lives. One prayer uttered by my mother with fear and trembling was that God would do "whatever it takes" to guide her children to follow His will. Fortunately, it did not take too much and all of her children are seeking God's will with their lives.
My priestly responsibility as father does not end when I pray for my children to be saved and follow God's will. I must also represent God before my children.
Paul closely links fatherhood with this idea in 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12, "You are witnesses, and so is God, how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers; just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children, so that you would walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory."
Fathers represent God to their children. As God's representative, I must exhort my children to live a life that is worthy of the God who calls them into His own kingdom and glory. When they sin, I must instruct them and correct them. When they display righteousness, I must affirm them and encourage them. When they are weak-willed, I must strengthen them. When they are unsure, I must guide them. When they are faced with a difficult decision, I must implore them to follow God's righteousness in all things.
I must do this. This is not an option for a godly father. This is the responsibility given and ordained by God. No one else can accomplish this task in the way that the father can.
Our instruction cannot be clearer. Our exhortation cannot be any more earnest. "We are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." (2 Corinthians 5:20) We have a few short years of ultimate influence in the lives of our children. Let us use these years to influence them toward God and godliness, making the most of the time because the days are evil!
While the prophet represents a father's responsibility to instruct, train and warn his children, the priest represents a different aspect of fatherhood.
Biblically, the priest operated in two functions. First, he represented man to God. When the Levitical priesthood was created in Exodus, it was created because the Hebrews were unable to keep the covenant they had made with God at the foot of Mount Sinai. Because of the Holiness of God and the Sinfulness of Mankind, if God was going to dwell in the midst of the Hebrews, there would have to be some safeguards to prevent God's holiness from destroying the nation.
The first of these safeguards was the tent (tabernacle) which became the temple under King Solomon's reign.
The second safeguard was the priests. No other person was allowed to approach the holy vessels. No other person was allowed to offer sacrifices or incense. No other person was allowed into the Holy Place. No one except the High Priest was allowed into the Most Holy Place, and then only once a year and not without the blood of the atoning sacrifice. Any one other than the descendants of Aaron who presumed to approach God in this way was killed (Numbers 16:1-35). It was the responsibility of the priests to represent man before God.
The second function of the priest was to represent God to man. The priest spoke blessing onto the people (Numbers 6:23-27); revealed the judgments of God by use of the Urim and Thummim, (Exodus 28:30); and confronted evil where it existed, even in high places (2 Chronicles 26:16-20).
Similarly, it is the father's God-ordained responsibility to intercede on behalf of their children and to exhort their children on behalf of God.
In the New Testament, Jesus Himself is represented as our High Priest, our Intercessor. In Hebrews 7-10, Jesus offered a better sacrifice and comes from a better priesthood than the Levitical priests. For this reason, he was able to enter once behind the veil, where he now sits to offer permanent atonement for God's people. He lives forever to make intercession on our behalf! (Hebrews 7:25)
Job recognized his responsibility to intercede on behalf of his children. "When the days of feasting had completed their cycle, Job would send and consecrate them, rising up early in the morning and offering burnt offerings according to the number of them all; for Job said, 'Perhaps my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.' Thus Job did continually." (Job 1:5)
While I cannot always know every thought that crosses the mind of my child, I do know very well what dwells in their hearts. God says very clearly that sin has my children captivated. Apart from God's grace applied through faith, none of us can ever escape from sin's grip in our lives.
It is my responsibility and privilege to plead with God for the very souls of my children. I do not have to offer sacrifices for them as Job did because the final sacrifice has been offered and it was so perfect that to offer another would be blasphemous!
Another Intercessor in the New Testament is the Holy Spirit. "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." (Romans 8:26-27)
As a father, I have the responsibility and privilege to pray not only for the salvation of my children, but also for God's Will to be enacted in their lives. While much has been made of "free will", we must never limit the extent of God's ability to reach into the soul of man and change his "will". For some reason unknown to me, God uses the prayers of the saints to accomplish great and mighty things. We can see such things demonstrated throughout Scripture and not less so now. God can use the prayers of parents to reach the souls of unregenerate, sinful children and change them into regenerate, righteous men and women.
Equally God can use the prayers of parents to reveal and guide their children into His will for their lives. One prayer uttered by my mother with fear and trembling was that God would do "whatever it takes" to guide her children to follow His will. Fortunately, it did not take too much and all of her children are seeking God's will with their lives.
My priestly responsibility as father does not end when I pray for my children to be saved and follow God's will. I must also represent God before my children.
Paul closely links fatherhood with this idea in 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12, "You are witnesses, and so is God, how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers; just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children, so that you would walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory."
Fathers represent God to their children. As God's representative, I must exhort my children to live a life that is worthy of the God who calls them into His own kingdom and glory. When they sin, I must instruct them and correct them. When they display righteousness, I must affirm them and encourage them. When they are weak-willed, I must strengthen them. When they are unsure, I must guide them. When they are faced with a difficult decision, I must implore them to follow God's righteousness in all things.
I must do this. This is not an option for a godly father. This is the responsibility given and ordained by God. No one else can accomplish this task in the way that the father can.
Our instruction cannot be clearer. Our exhortation cannot be any more earnest. "We are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." (2 Corinthians 5:20) We have a few short years of ultimate influence in the lives of our children. Let us use these years to influence them toward God and godliness, making the most of the time because the days are evil!
Feb 14, 2012
Prophetic Patriarchy
How time flies! It's hard to believe that my last post was in July of last year! During this time, I have been meditating on many different theological issues. The most pressing and enthralling for me has been the issue of fatherhood as the Bible defines it. Recently, in preparation for a sermon that I hope to preach on Father's Day, I have been able to clarify some of my thoughts on this issue.
Fatherhood is something that is quite misunderstood in our culture. Because of the "revolutions" of the 1960's, fatherhood has been stripped down to its most vulgar expression. Any man who provides the necessary genetic material to create a child is a father. This is an unfortunate understanding of fatherhood because it has effectively destroyed manhood and crippled the next generation of men. If my responsibility as a father is limited strictly to the creation of a child, then what possible reason do I have to raise that child? Raising the child will in no way make me more "fatherly," so why go through the suffering and frustration?
Unfortunately, many "men" (I use the term loosely) in this generation believe this to be the case. They have "fathered" children without any accompanying responsibility except paying child support (which is a politically incorrect thing to require of a "father" if you think about it).
Here is a challenging thought: Any thirteen year old boy can father a child, but it takes a godly man to be a father to a child!
Look up the topic "father" in the International Standard Bible Encyclopaedia and you will find these words, “He loves; commands; instructs; guides, encourages, warns; trains; rebukes; restrains; punishes; chastens; nourishes; delights in his son, and in his son’s wisdom; is deeply pained by his folly; he is considerate of his children’s needs and requests; considerate of their burdens, or sins; tenderly familiar; considerately self-restrained; having in view the highest ends; pitiful; the last human friend (but one) to desert the child.” Crannell, Philip Wendell. "Father", International Standard Bible Encyclopaedia. Edited by James Orr. Blue Letter Bible. 1913. 5 May 2003 30 Jan 2012. http://www.blueletterbible.org/search/Dictionary/viewTopic.cfm? type=GetTopic&Topic=Father&DictList=4#ISBE
Looking over that list, it seems almost blasphemous to attribute those responsibilities to a man. When we compare the Bible's standards with the expectations of our culture, surely this is a chauvinistic structure. In fact, patriarchy has been under heavy attack for three generations at least. The result has been weak fathers and no vision for masculinity.
As I read Scripture and meditate on my responsibilities as a father, I see a picture emerge. Three figures hidden by the mist of our culture's lies begin to step forward as representative of a father's responsibilities. The first representative of patriarchy is a prophet.
Depending upon your religious background, you may readily accept this representative or you may raise your eyebrows in question. How does a prophet represent the biblical responsibilities of fatherhood?
Typically, we understand the prophet to be one who speaks of the future. Biblically, prophets told of future events such as the destruction of nations, divine judgement, and the coming of the Messiah. It is important to realize that the ministry of the prophets was not limited to foretelling the future. Nor was foretelling the primary purpose of their ministry. The visions of the future were a platform for the true purpose of the prophet, to speak God's word into the lives of their listeners. Read the Old Testament prophets and you will see this theme: you sinned, because of your sin God will punish you, so repent and be restored. The prophecy (God's punishment is coming) was the platform for the exhortation (repent and be restored). The key for fathers is the message of God. Fathers, like prophets, must instruct their children with God's Word.
This is what Moses declared to the fathers of Israel, "These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on you heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." (Deuteronomy 6:6-9) First, fathers must know the word of God. It is useless to try to teach someone something of which we know nothing. We must study God's Word for ourselves and meditate upon it before we can speak with confidence to our children.
Secondly, we must inculcate our children with the Word of God. This is not simply telling our children, "Well, the Bible says..." This means impressing it upon our children, drilling it into their minds until it saturates their thinking. Foolish is the parent who believes that I only must give the Bible as an option and my child will have to make up their own mind. Your child is bent toward that which is evil. Given their own choice they will choose to rebel against God and reject His Word. It is our responsibility to instruct our children with the truth as though it were the only Truth, because it is!
Thirdly, our lives must be defined by God's Word. Our appearance and our homes must reveal to the world that we belong to God. Our conversations must be saturated with the Truth. Our homes must be decorated with the Truth so that the world cannot miss the point, we are God's! If the world cannot miss it, then our children will not miss it!
Know God's Word. Live God's Word. Teach God's Word.
Fathers are responsible to train their children in righteousness.
Solomon makes this clear, "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) This is a verse that causes a lot of trouble to teachers because the promise of the verse seems to lie against the reality of what we see happening in Christian families. Interestingly, a better translation may be "Train up a child according to his way, even when he is old he will not depart from it." This speaks to understanding our child's mind and how he learns the best. If we want him to remember something, we need to train him according to his natural ability to learn, whether that be aural, visual, experiential, kinetic, or any of the other learning types that children may have.
The key is training. The picture is that of an apprentice. Before a master trusts the apprentice to do the work, he trains him. The training takes years. First the apprentice watches that master do the work, teaching takes place. Eventually, the master guides the hands of the apprentice as the apprentice does the work, training takes place. Then the master releases the apprentice to do the work under close supervision, correction takes place. Finally, confident in the training of the apprentice, the master leaves the apprentice to do the work alone. This process takes years, but at the end the apprentice becomes the master.
This is a poignant picture of child-rearing. Unfortunately, we do not grasp the training concept in Christian homes. If we want our children to grow in the faith and in knowledge of God, we must first show them and instruct them, then guide them, then observe them and correct them, before we can be certain that they fully grasp the meaning and practice of their faith.
Yet, how many of us would dare claim to be masters of the faith? Jesus makes this striking statement, "A pupil is not above his teacher, but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher." (Luke 6:40) What will my children be like? If I am the one training them, then they will be like me. Am I what I should be? Am I what I want my children to be?
Know God's Word. Live God's Word. Teach God's Word.
Lastly, the prophet reminds us that fathers are responsible to admonish their children to ever greater godliness. Paul, discussing family relationships, makes this statement, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4) This is another key verse in child-rearing and there is a lot of doctrine buried within. I would like to focus on the word translated "instruction". This word means admonition or exhortation. It implies an instruction with a clear warning attached.
The same word is translated "warning" when Paul instructs Titus on church discipline, "Reject a factious man after a first and second warning." (Titus 3:10) While I am not advocating rejecting our children after warning them once or twice, I am showing that the issue is teaching with a clear warning attached.
We do this naturally in physical matters. What parent has not made a statement like, "Don't play in the street or you'll get hit by a car!" "Don't stick your finger in the outlet or you'll get electrocuted!" "Don't play in the rain or you'll catch your death of cold!" Each of these statements are an instruction with a clear warning attached.
How much more important than the physical comfort and well-being of our children is their eternal spiritual well-being? Should we not employ this same strategy in training them toward godliness?
One of the important lessons that we must teach our children is that sin has consequences. From the minor consequences of losing a privilege to the major consequences of losing life, when we sin there are consequences. What a great opportunity then to direct their attention to the love of God in providing a way of escape through the death of Jesus!
The consequence of Sin is a broken relationship with Holy God and an eternal destiny of death in hell. Yet the Holy God, because of His great Love, showed us grace by sending His Son to receive the consequence for us, death on the cross. He who was sinless took our sin upon Himself and paid it in full so that we might be received as sons of God.
This is the first goal of our teaching, training, and exhorting! The second goal builds upon the first, to teach, train, and exhort our children to living a lifestyle worthy of the calling with which they have been called (Ephesians 4:1).
Know God's Word. Live God's Word. Teach God's Word. This is only possible through the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit!
Fatherhood is something that is quite misunderstood in our culture. Because of the "revolutions" of the 1960's, fatherhood has been stripped down to its most vulgar expression. Any man who provides the necessary genetic material to create a child is a father. This is an unfortunate understanding of fatherhood because it has effectively destroyed manhood and crippled the next generation of men. If my responsibility as a father is limited strictly to the creation of a child, then what possible reason do I have to raise that child? Raising the child will in no way make me more "fatherly," so why go through the suffering and frustration?
Unfortunately, many "men" (I use the term loosely) in this generation believe this to be the case. They have "fathered" children without any accompanying responsibility except paying child support (which is a politically incorrect thing to require of a "father" if you think about it).
Here is a challenging thought: Any thirteen year old boy can father a child, but it takes a godly man to be a father to a child!
Look up the topic "father" in the International Standard Bible Encyclopaedia and you will find these words, “He loves; commands; instructs; guides, encourages, warns; trains; rebukes; restrains; punishes; chastens; nourishes; delights in his son, and in his son’s wisdom; is deeply pained by his folly; he is considerate of his children’s needs and requests; considerate of their burdens, or sins; tenderly familiar; considerately self-restrained; having in view the highest ends; pitiful; the last human friend (but one) to desert the child.” Crannell, Philip Wendell. "Father", International Standard Bible Encyclopaedia. Edited by James Orr. Blue Letter Bible. 1913. 5 May 2003 30 Jan 2012. http://www.blueletterbible.org/search/Dictionary/viewTopic.cfm? type=GetTopic&Topic=Father&DictList=4#ISBE
Looking over that list, it seems almost blasphemous to attribute those responsibilities to a man. When we compare the Bible's standards with the expectations of our culture, surely this is a chauvinistic structure. In fact, patriarchy has been under heavy attack for three generations at least. The result has been weak fathers and no vision for masculinity.
As I read Scripture and meditate on my responsibilities as a father, I see a picture emerge. Three figures hidden by the mist of our culture's lies begin to step forward as representative of a father's responsibilities. The first representative of patriarchy is a prophet.
Depending upon your religious background, you may readily accept this representative or you may raise your eyebrows in question. How does a prophet represent the biblical responsibilities of fatherhood?
Typically, we understand the prophet to be one who speaks of the future. Biblically, prophets told of future events such as the destruction of nations, divine judgement, and the coming of the Messiah. It is important to realize that the ministry of the prophets was not limited to foretelling the future. Nor was foretelling the primary purpose of their ministry. The visions of the future were a platform for the true purpose of the prophet, to speak God's word into the lives of their listeners. Read the Old Testament prophets and you will see this theme: you sinned, because of your sin God will punish you, so repent and be restored. The prophecy (God's punishment is coming) was the platform for the exhortation (repent and be restored). The key for fathers is the message of God. Fathers, like prophets, must instruct their children with God's Word.
This is what Moses declared to the fathers of Israel, "These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on you heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." (Deuteronomy 6:6-9) First, fathers must know the word of God. It is useless to try to teach someone something of which we know nothing. We must study God's Word for ourselves and meditate upon it before we can speak with confidence to our children.
Secondly, we must inculcate our children with the Word of God. This is not simply telling our children, "Well, the Bible says..." This means impressing it upon our children, drilling it into their minds until it saturates their thinking. Foolish is the parent who believes that I only must give the Bible as an option and my child will have to make up their own mind. Your child is bent toward that which is evil. Given their own choice they will choose to rebel against God and reject His Word. It is our responsibility to instruct our children with the truth as though it were the only Truth, because it is!
Thirdly, our lives must be defined by God's Word. Our appearance and our homes must reveal to the world that we belong to God. Our conversations must be saturated with the Truth. Our homes must be decorated with the Truth so that the world cannot miss the point, we are God's! If the world cannot miss it, then our children will not miss it!
Know God's Word. Live God's Word. Teach God's Word.
Fathers are responsible to train their children in righteousness.
Solomon makes this clear, "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) This is a verse that causes a lot of trouble to teachers because the promise of the verse seems to lie against the reality of what we see happening in Christian families. Interestingly, a better translation may be "Train up a child according to his way, even when he is old he will not depart from it." This speaks to understanding our child's mind and how he learns the best. If we want him to remember something, we need to train him according to his natural ability to learn, whether that be aural, visual, experiential, kinetic, or any of the other learning types that children may have.
The key is training. The picture is that of an apprentice. Before a master trusts the apprentice to do the work, he trains him. The training takes years. First the apprentice watches that master do the work, teaching takes place. Eventually, the master guides the hands of the apprentice as the apprentice does the work, training takes place. Then the master releases the apprentice to do the work under close supervision, correction takes place. Finally, confident in the training of the apprentice, the master leaves the apprentice to do the work alone. This process takes years, but at the end the apprentice becomes the master.
This is a poignant picture of child-rearing. Unfortunately, we do not grasp the training concept in Christian homes. If we want our children to grow in the faith and in knowledge of God, we must first show them and instruct them, then guide them, then observe them and correct them, before we can be certain that they fully grasp the meaning and practice of their faith.
Yet, how many of us would dare claim to be masters of the faith? Jesus makes this striking statement, "A pupil is not above his teacher, but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher." (Luke 6:40) What will my children be like? If I am the one training them, then they will be like me. Am I what I should be? Am I what I want my children to be?
Know God's Word. Live God's Word. Teach God's Word.
Lastly, the prophet reminds us that fathers are responsible to admonish their children to ever greater godliness. Paul, discussing family relationships, makes this statement, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4) This is another key verse in child-rearing and there is a lot of doctrine buried within. I would like to focus on the word translated "instruction". This word means admonition or exhortation. It implies an instruction with a clear warning attached.
The same word is translated "warning" when Paul instructs Titus on church discipline, "Reject a factious man after a first and second warning." (Titus 3:10) While I am not advocating rejecting our children after warning them once or twice, I am showing that the issue is teaching with a clear warning attached.
We do this naturally in physical matters. What parent has not made a statement like, "Don't play in the street or you'll get hit by a car!" "Don't stick your finger in the outlet or you'll get electrocuted!" "Don't play in the rain or you'll catch your death of cold!" Each of these statements are an instruction with a clear warning attached.
How much more important than the physical comfort and well-being of our children is their eternal spiritual well-being? Should we not employ this same strategy in training them toward godliness?
One of the important lessons that we must teach our children is that sin has consequences. From the minor consequences of losing a privilege to the major consequences of losing life, when we sin there are consequences. What a great opportunity then to direct their attention to the love of God in providing a way of escape through the death of Jesus!
The consequence of Sin is a broken relationship with Holy God and an eternal destiny of death in hell. Yet the Holy God, because of His great Love, showed us grace by sending His Son to receive the consequence for us, death on the cross. He who was sinless took our sin upon Himself and paid it in full so that we might be received as sons of God.
This is the first goal of our teaching, training, and exhorting! The second goal builds upon the first, to teach, train, and exhort our children to living a lifestyle worthy of the calling with which they have been called (Ephesians 4:1).
Know God's Word. Live God's Word. Teach God's Word. This is only possible through the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit!
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